Lists from my summer

Things I dont understand:
1. lies ...especially about stupid things or to important people
2.


Things I've learned about myslf and others:
1. I find satisfaction in doing a good job
2. I prefer busy to lazy (I feel better about myself and with a purpose)
3. I like to be trusted
4. I feel cheated/disappointed/hurt when I'm lied to
5. I am vulnerable but try to hide it
6. I dont let many people in....
7. I (probably like most) am very self concious and worry that people dont like me, just put up with me
8. I love my family!
9. I have been taught to work hard and appreciate a job well done
10. everyone gets to make their own decisions
11. other beliefs dont make a person bad (i knew this, it was just reaffirmed)
12. I love my alone time....it is MUCH needed
13. I am MOODY
14. I want to have close friends and be happy and fun...but i dont know how...why cant I be that person?
15. I love music! It greatly determines my mood.
16. I'm not always very nice....
17. I am super indecisive


What I want in my significant other:
1. Testimony
1.5 Honors his priesthood
2. Loves me
3. Honest
4. Works Hard
5. Fun/Crazy - makes me comfortable to be me

Me:
1. .... (idk who am I? What am I?)

intelligent
daughter of GOD
honest
rule keeper
shy but put out a confident front
chameleon- adaptable (fit whatever roll is needed ex. leader, follower)
go with the flow but have strong opinions
indecisive
worry about voicing opinions or desires because I want to please others...let them have their way


who am I really? Idk. I feel like I'm always trying to fulfill some role. IDK what mine was this summer which I may have liked but idk. What role do I want to fulfill? what things make me feel satisfied with who I am?

Things I have not done this summer:
1. TEMPLE
2. God
3.


So this has just kind of become me trying to organize a bunch of random thoughts and feelings, which I dont do very well.
Here are the main things I feel lately
-MIXED UP!!!

-I want to go home
-I need to go to the temple often to keep my priorities right
-

THats all I know right now

Do you ever not want to be you?

Sometimes I just want to stop being me! I have always been the responsible person. I have never done anything reckless or totally selfish or rebelious. And no I feel guilty because I want to! I dont want to be responsible and do what I should and what everyone expects. I dont want to do anything stupid or bad but maybe a little reckless. I dont want to go back to school. I have no desire to. And I feel...I dont know. I dont want to do what is expected of me anymore. I just want to be lazy and work and get paid poorly but be able to survive. Not having any real worries or responsibilities is so nice. Why do I want to go back to school with hard classes and grades and money? Why do I want to go back to cold rexburg winter? Why should I? Why cant I just stop being responsible? Why cant I do what is EASY?

ok here goes

I thought a blog may be a good idea. Its somewhere I can document my summer and if I get really bored, maybe even my life. Also it feels like a safe place where I can write all my feelings and thoughts and vents and rants and goals and I might actually write on it unlike my journal. So here it goes.

This summer I am living in FLORIDA and working at DISNEYWORLD!!!!!! I really do like it, even though it isnt really what I had expected and my job sure isnt very glamorous and the people I work with are mostly crazy and almost all the guys here are gay and if they arent then they already have girlfriends or just like to go out and get drunk. But in spite of all this I am having fun. I love my roommates (most of the time) and I love Florida and even though my job is crappy I like doing it. Last night as we had a big rush and I was running around the pizza shop like crazy trying to do everything it hit me that I was having fun! Actually I love tlaking with the customers and the little kids, which I can only really do if its not so busy but I like it and I have fun!

I have to go so I guess the wll be tbc.....